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The real reason why break-ups are emotionally devastating.

I get hit with heartbreak and emotional devastation stories in my inbox every day, on my Facebook and Instagram accounts, and in person from my friends. I get countless questions that want to know where everything went wrong and how to get it back.

Breakups are wild animals. Aside from the inside, they rip you out and the pain can be almost unbearable. But have you ever stopped thinking why? Why are we so spectacularly wrecked?

Many women believe that this amazing guy is no longer causing the pain. They believe that his absence causes pain, so getting him back will take away the pain. This is not necessarily the case, however, and the real reason can often go somewhat deeper.

 As human beings, we all have the same basic core desires. Some desires feed our own animal (food, water, shelter) while others fuel our emotional needs (love, esteem, respect). Most of the trouble we experience in life occurs when we identify a desire outside of ourselves for something or someone.

The desire to be loved is one that is universal. In most relationships, the highly experienced is really that of fulfilling our desire. We cling to that person, not always because of who they are, but because of how they make us feel (loved, or at least worthy of love).

If, in your sense of self-love, you are a little shaky, the other person fulfills that void and he comes to represent for you self-love. The devastation is huge when he leaves. This person is not only gone, but he has also taken something fundamental to your very existence, your sense of worth and your need to feel loved.

It is so easy to get caught in longing when a relationship dies. You are longing for the other person, believing that he was the right man for you. You can also enter a destructive cycle in the relationship to replay every single event trying to figure out what you did to mess things up.

The important thing to remember here is that you don't miss him. The fact that the relationship came to an end is all the proof that this wasn't the right person for you. What you want is that love and sense of fulfillment. It's helpful to realize this because it will help you realize there's an end in sight and the antidote won't come back together with him.

It's also important to realize that a complete waste of your time is trying to figure out where things went wrong. It wasn't something you've said or done, it was the fact that you've relied on him to give you something you can provide for yourself.

ALSO READ; If-you-have-just-broken-up.

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